Beneath the surface of seemingly never-ending daily tasks, single parents face even more unique stressors. The overwhelm that comes with managing finances, household maintenance, children’s needs, professional development, and personal care can lead anyone to start to break down.
A solo parent is at higher risk for Single Parent Stress Syndrome, yet there are ways to mitigate this risk. It is not about adding more to your plate, but rather assessing what is there, what is the top priority, and how you can meet your demands with joy.
Why Is It So Hard to Be a Single Parent?
Single parents who experience chronic, intense stress while navigating parenthood alone are at a higher risk of parental burnout and fatigue.
Single parents are faced with running the entire household, daily parenting duties, professional responsibilities, and personal care needs, all without the support of a partner. This is a huge load for any one person to carry, and it gets really heavy.
In addition to the ‘regular’ tasks of adulting and caring for children, single parents can also be managing challenging behaviors, communicating changes to school personnel, and juggling transportation between households.
The financial stressors of managing a household and parenting responsibilities on a single salary can also become overwhelming for many parents.
What if I Don’t Love to Play With My Children?
“I find it so boring.”
Parents consult me for coaching when they realize playing with their children is boring and no longer exciting. In a coaching session a mother expressed not enjoying building towers of blocks for her kids to knock down.
When feeling the weight of financial, emotional, and other stressors, this type of play felt overwhelming to her senses. From the loud noise of the blocks falling, to her child bumping into her to retrieve the blocks, then demanding she build it, “higher, higher!” her nervous system was working overtime to keep up.
She did not enjoy this type of play and started to label it as boring. Without mental stimulation, parents begin to numb out and disconnect from their kids.
We worked together to identify her true areas of stress, things that were in her control, things that were not, and made a plan to address each of her priority areas. Together we also researched quiet blocks made of foam that were safe for her young child.
We also came up with a list of activities that her child would enjoy, that were less sensory stimulating, and that her child could engage in with her, with minimal energy while also still feeling connected.
“I’m too tired to join in.”
Exhaustion plays another role in the desire to play with children. It can be a lot more appealing to sit on the bench at the playground instead of pushing your child on the swings.
When you feel like you just need a break and some time to yourself, getting off that bench can feel like the hardest thing you could possibly do.
Children do not understand when their parents are tired. Children under the age of 10 still have underdeveloped theory of mind skills, meaning they cannot take another person’s perspective fully.
When a child has energy, they expect you to have energy too. When you do not actively engage with them, children begin to wonder why.
It is normal to need rest and to recover, especially when feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Consistent feelings of disconnection with your children could signal a bigger issue, single parent burnout.
“Everything is a rush, there is no time, bedtime is the worst.”
A family came to coaching, asking how they could all feel more connected, even when they were so tired at the end of the day. It constantly felt like a rush to get all of the nighttime activities done – bath time, stories, bed time.
No one was enjoying the after-dinner routine. It felt rushed, fighting happened, no matter which parent was doing the bedtime routine.
We talked about the pain points for each member, what was different across the two homes, and what was essential to remain.
From there, we utilized playful productivity techniques to purposely target joy for both children and adults.
The children were responsible for picking the book, but only after the adults curated the selection. Pajamas were chosen using a spinning wheel selector which was more playful and required less parental support.
We crafted strategies that would work across both households, that maintained a predictable routine, while playing to each parents’ strengths and energy levels at night.
Recognizing the early signs of single parent burnout is crucial in preventing it from worsening. Symptoms include constant fatigue, irritability, lack of interest in activities, and feelings of being detached or numb.
What is Single Parenting Stress Syndrome?
Single Parent Stress Syndrome (SPSS) is often used to describe the chronic, intense stress that single parents face (1). These parents are often functioning with little external support, while navigating many parental tasks alone.
The impact of SPSS goes beyond traditional parenting burnout, because financial instability, emotional isolation, and societal pressure compound in a single parents’ experience.
Single Parent Stress Syndrome (SPSS) happens when solo parents experience chronic, unrelenting stress caused by the overwhelming demands of parenting without the support of a partner. It often manifests as mental and physical fatigue, emotional exhaustion, and a sense of isolation.
Signs of Solo Parent Burnout
There are several indicators that burnout is present and needs to be addressed (1, 2). These can include:
- Fatigue even after sleep
- Anxious thinking
- Irritability
- Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
- Guilt
- Brain fog
- Feeling detached or numb
- Persistent overwhelm
- Difficulty concentrating
- Low motivation
- Physical symptoms (pain, headaches, stomach issues) without a clear medical cause
Preventing Burnout
Seek Support
Many parents remove themselves from their close relationships during a separation. There are many reasons, including:
- Embarrassment
- Exhaustion
- Inability to answer the same questions over and over again
- Not having friends who understand what they are going through
- Stress and overwhelm
- Lack of time for social connection
The healthiest way to recover from and prevent burnout is to actively seek out support (3).
– For the every day, find the helpful and kind people in your life who will be able to listen without judgement. If your current friends cannot do this for you, that is okay. There are so many people out there who can support you.
– Enter relationships with people who have gone through what you have, who have similar interests, or people who bring something into your life that you feel like you have been missing.
– Find people who help you to smile, relax, destress, and notice the amazing things you have happening around you. Join community groups that serve a need you are passionate about or simply have kind humans open to listening.
– Consider joining groups that get your self-care needs met as well as connection. This could be joining group exercise programs, read-together book clubs, or sitting around the fire pit with friends after the kids are in bed.
Building Resilience: Strategies and Support to Navigate Divorce and Solo Parenting
My professional support will help you craft ideas and strategies to sustain yourself throughout the entire divorce process. Feelings may come and go. You want to have the techniques and strategies to use when big emotions arise. Know the strategies before you need to use them.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the demands of solo parenting, there are resources available to help you navigate this stressful period. For some additional strategies on reducing stress and improving your well-being during divorce, I suggest checking out Simple Strategies to Reduce Divorce Stress and Improve Your Well-Being
Using Joy to Manage Stress
When people suggest self-care, images of long solo bubble baths and lengthy massages often come to mind. However, true self-care is really about taking care of your “self.” This can mean a variety of things, unique to each person.
Caring for yourself can include eating foods that make your body feel amazing, utilizing mindful practices, and purposely engaging in laughter and humor. Intentionally create time to do the hobbies that you enjoy. And if possible, connect with others who love the same activities. This will meet your human need for connection and joy.
I have worked with single parents who simply feel there is no time in their schedule to make self-care happen. Which is often when they wind up needing self-care the most! I invited one exhausted mama to consider what happened when she did not take care of her brain, body, and soul. She began to distance herself from her children, got angry faster, and responsibilities started to slip.
You are proactive about so many other things, allow yourself to be proactive about your health and wellness too.
We created a schedule that allowed her to be outside every day. That sometimes meant walking around the practice field while her child was at soccer practice. She invited other parents who were sitting at the sideline to join her on the walk and got adult conversation time too!
While having fun and relaxing, you are taking care of yourself, allowing you to be more present with your children.
Realistic Expectations
You want to give everything to your children and make sure they have an incredible life. If you are setting unhealthy expectations upon yourself or them, it will have a stressful effect. When we expect absolutely everything to be done perfectly, the toll it takes on us is both physical and emotional.
When you set clear, reasonable expectations for what you can and can’t do in a day, you are setting yourself up for success and to avoid feeling like a failing parent. You are doing the best that you can, and your children will see that. All you can do is the best that you can, and that is plenty.
As you work towards setting realistic expectations for yourself, it can also be beneficial to find ways to stay grounded through the emotional turmoil of divorce. For practical steps to maintain your balance during this time, you might find these tips helpful: Find Your Footing: 9 Practical Strategies to Stay Grounded During Divorce.
Reclaiming Joy
Single parenting is one of the hardest things to do. The exhaustion is deep, the boredom can be numbing, and the overwhelming responsibility of caring for your children solo can lead to burnout. When combined with the unique challenges of raising children alone, this burnout can quickly evolve into a more serious condition known as Single Parent Stress Syndrome (SPSS).
Remember, you are not defined by the challenges you face. The intentional steps you take towards dealing with your unique pressures will set you up to be the strong, incredible parent your children will see. Actively seek strategies to address your fatigue, while managing expectations of yourself and those around you. This can transform your experience through divorce, as well as your children’s.
FAQ: Parenting as a Solo Parent – Managing Boredom and Exhaustion
Q1: Why is parenting as a solo parent so exhausting?
A1: Parenting alone means you’re responsible for managing all aspects of your household, including child-rearing, finances, and personal care, without the support of a partner. The constant juggling of multiple roles and the emotional burden can lead to exhaustion. Furthermore, the additional stress of managing challenging behaviors or navigating co-parenting dynamics adds to the weight.
Q2: What is Single Parent Stress Syndrome (SPSS)?
A2: Single Parent Stress Syndrome (SPSS) refers to the intense stress that single parents face due to the demands of raising children alone, with limited external support. It is different from general burnout because it includes the compounded effects of financial instability, emotional isolation, and societal pressure. It can cause feelings of overwhelm, detachment, and burnout.
Q3: How can I prevent single parent burnout?
A3: Preventing burnout begins with seeking support. Build a network of understanding friends, family, or even professional help. Practicing self-care is crucial—this means caring for your body, mind, and soul. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your children, and find moments of joy to recharge. Implementing playful productivity techniques with your children can also alleviate stress and foster connection.
Q4: What if I don’t enjoy playing with my kids anymore?
A4: It’s completely normal to feel disconnected from play, especially when you’re overwhelmed or exhausted. Play may feel boring or even frustrating when your nervous system is overworked. The key is to assess your stressors and prioritize activities that allow you to engage with your child at a lower sensory or emotional cost. Adjusting the types of play or finding less intense ways to connect can reignite your bond without draining you further.
Q5: How can I make bedtime less stressful as a solo parent?
A5: Bedtime routines can often feel rushed and stressful. One way to ease this tension is to structure bedtime activities in a way that’s more playful and engaging. Involve your children in choosing books, or try using fun tools like a spinning wheel for selecting pajamas. Making bedtime a shared responsibility across both parents- if possible- can help reduce the burden on a single parent.
Q6: What are some strategies to manage my fatigue as a solo parent?
A6: Managing fatigue as a solo parent starts with acknowledging that rest is necessary for both your physical and emotional well-being. Prioritize time for relaxation, and don’t be afraid to delegate tasks when possible. Integrating small moments of self-care, like taking a walk during your child’s soccer practice, can help recharge your energy. Restoring joy and connection with others is also key- don’t hesitate to seek out supportive communities.
Q7: How can I stay grounded during divorce while parenting alone?
A7: Staying grounded during a divorce can be incredibly difficult. A helpful strategy is to focus on what you can control and let go of perfectionism. Keeping your emotions in check through mindfulness, practicing self-compassion, and staying consistent with your routines can provide a sense of stability. Joining support groups or talking to others in similar situations can also provide much-needed grounding.
Q8: Are there resources to help me reduce divorce-related stress?
A8: Yes! There are many resources designed to help single parents manage the stress of divorce and solo parenting. Articles like Simple Strategies to Reduce Divorce Stress and Improve Your Well-Being offer actionable steps to reduce stress, while others such as Find Your Footing: 9 Practical Strategies to Stay Grounded During Divorce can help you stay emotionally centered during this challenging time.
Q9: How can I manage unrealistic expectations while solo parenting?
A9: Unrealistic expectations often arise when we try to do everything perfectly. To manage this, set clear, realistic expectations for what you can and cannot accomplish in a day. Acknowledge your limitations and allow yourself to be human. Your children will appreciate your authenticity and effort more than striving for perfection.
Q10: What are some signs I may be experiencing solo parenting burnout?
A10: Signs of burnout include persistent fatigue even after rest, irritability, feelings of numbness or detachment, difficulty concentrating, and physical symptoms like headaches or stomach issues. If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to take steps to address them through self-care, seeking support, and taking breaks from the daily grind.
**Disclaimer:** The content shared in this article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional legal or therapeutic advice. The views expressed are those of the author based on personal experience and client work, and do not reflect the official policy or position of any agency or organization. Results may vary. If you are in crisis, please seek help from a qualified mental health professional or contact local support services.