The choice to opt for divorce or stay in an unhappy marriage is a decision that troubles many spouses. Marriage is not a smooth journey, it is a bumpy road filled with many ups and downs, and being a couple means having to make it work from time to time.
Should You Stay in an Unhappy Marriage or Get a Divorce?
However, unhappiness in marriage is emotional and it eats away at the core of everyone. Unhappiness in marriage may occur as a result of aggressive occasional arguments, lost emotional connection, incompatibility, abusiveness, no excitement for physical intimacy, communication breakdown, and more.
In situations like this, we are often faced with choosing between divorce, which could be a life-saving and important decision of one’s life, or staying in an unhappy marriage. To help you come to terms with the most suitable course of action, we have provided in this article the information you need to decide. The various Coaches and professionals from our divorce directory are ready to help you make the right decision.
Our divorce community is not pro marriage or pro divorce. Our focus is to help you make the right decision for you and your family based on facts and logic. If you find yourself having to choose between divorce and staying in an unhappy marriage and looking for a way out, continue reading.
For a deeper look at the most important factors to consider before making this choice, read Should I Get a Divorce? 10 Essential Considerations to Help You Decide.
What Are the Consequences of Staying in an Unhappy Marriage?
Join us as we embark on a journey to understand the difficult choice between staying in an unhappy marriage or getting divorce. Sometimes, the more difficult choice may ultimately lead to happiness and personal fulfillment.
Sometimes a marriage doesn’t end formally but emotionally, experts call this a “silent divorce,” where couples remain together without meaningful communication, affection, or connection. This quiet disconnection often signals that more serious choices may be needed.
In this article, we explore the reasons why individuals may feel trapped in an unhappy marriage, the societal pressures that contribute to staying, and the potential benefits and consequences of each choice.
Many individuals remain stuck in unhappy marriages due to fear of change, emotional dependency, financial uncertainty, or deeply ingrained cultural or religious expectations—all reasons that complicate even the thought of leaving.
Through an in-depth analysis, we aim to provide insight into the complexities of this decision-making process. Whether you find yourself at a crossroads in your own relationship or simply wish to gain a deeper understanding of this common dilemma, we offer you valuable and varied perspectives and actionable guidance.
In fact, research shows that over 50% of married people have thought about divorce at some point, yet most who considered it and stayed were ultimately glad they did, with less than 1% regretting their choice.
Remember, help is around the corner. If you are looking for guidance and support and would like to schedule a free call with one of our Divorce Specialists, please take the self assessment. With the results, you’ll have the opportunity to grab a time slot on our calendar. We are delighted to help families across the USA and Canada to create an action plan and find some peace while navigating through this transition.
Is Divorce the Right First Step in an Unhappy Marriage?
For some people, divorce may be an opportunity to have a better life or relationship with someone else. However, it is not a decision to take lightly. The impact of divorce on our mind, body and spirit can affect each person in different ways, and influence the way they respond to the situation both rationally and emotionally. There are many things to consider when contemplating divorce, and generally one of the first questions to ask oneself is “do you feel that you have tried everything on your end to repair the relationship?” Another question to consider is “are there other avenues to investigate in order to try to heal the relationship?”
To support your continued reflections on those questions, and on whether divorce is the answer for you, our Pushpinder Singh has shared some amazing insights couched in logic, emotions and spirituality. Here’s what he says:
Resolutions neither reside within the black area nor the white area, they always reside in the grey area. In such a situation where a person is stuck in an unhappy or abusive toxic marriage, choosing to live in a marriage will be like choosing to live in the black area, but choosing to divorce without even thinking through consciously is like choosing the white area. In both situations, a person will surely have to endure lots of suffering.
Decisions like divorce never happen all of a sudden, this decision will be an outcome of lots of negative events within the marriage. Slowly and steadily situations will keep on worsening which will result in divorce, it never happens all of a sudden. The question here is, why didn’t the couple sense situations worsen day by day before the situation went totally out of control? Why did they not think through consciously that “If our situations keep on worsening in the way they are worsening, then someday it could even lead to a separation?”. Why did they keep on waiting for the situations to worsen? Why did they not contemplate on these questions? What kept them so ignorant? The answer to these questions is “Lack of Awareness or Consciousness due to lack of Spiritual practices”. Anyhow if the couple was into Spiritual practices, such kind of conflicts would not have even happened within the marriage.
Exploring the “Grey Area”: A Mindful Alternative to Divorce
There are lots of people out there who would recommend divorce in the first go. But frankly, divorce creates lots of new complications and pains in one’s life for a very long duration for everybody, especially children. Hence opting for divorce in the first go itself without trying sufficiently is never the resolution, as said resolution resides within the grey area, neither the black nor the white. Yes, the consequences of staying in an unhappy marriage can be extremely painful, but if one can make conscious decisions, then marriage can transform into a happy marriage. It is best recommended to get in touch with an Awakened Spiritualist for conscious resolutions, after all, the one who resolves the Mind attains the ability to resolve the problems going on in society.
When it comes to the grey area, instead of opting out of the marriage or rather staying in an unhappy marriage, it is recommended for a couple to get separated from each other in an aware state temporarily. When the couple can see clearly that situations are worsening day by day, then rather than waiting for the situations to go out of control, it is better to part ways for a year or so for the sake of improving oneself, rather than blaming and expecting the spouse to change, this recommendation applies on both partners. After all, nobody is perfect, everybody has flaws and hence everybody commits mistakes. Life itself is a creation and a combination of negative and positive, without one aspect, the other cannot even exist. Thus it’s better to focus on one’s negativities rather than focusing on the negativities within the partner.
In this period of separation, both partners need to get themselves into intense Spiritual and Mindfulness practices for self-improvement. They even need to create a schedule for when they could meet each other on dates so that the intimacy can stay alive between both of them. There is a possibility that these situations of physical separation could result in misunderstandings between both of them and thus result in mental separation as well. Hence meeting regularly with each other for the sake of spending quality time and having sex, along with spiritual and mindfulness practices is very important for the marriage to stay intact.
Within this timeframe, being mindful of the children’s state of mind is a very important task as well because the children want both parents together. It is best recommended to get in touch with an Awakened Spiritualist for further conscious resolutions, after all, the one who resolves the Mind attains the ability to resolve the problems going on in society.
11 Signs Divorce May Be the Best Option for You
1. Emotional Well-being: Divorce allows individuals to prioritize their mental and emotional health by removing themselves from a toxic or unhappy relationship.
Sometimes, when a partner is too toxic or unwilling to work together to repair the relationship, you can experience a stifling or stagnant emotional state and stress that cannot shift within the home environment with that partner. Choosing to divorce may give you the opportunity to break free from the toxic environment and reestablish your emotional stability and security.
2. Personal Growth: Ending a marriage can provide opportunities for self-discovery and personal development that may not be possible within the confines of an unhappy marriage.
It happens sometimes when one partner is open and ready for personal growth but the other partner is not, it can feel almost impossible to move forward and create new habits and new perspectives about life and how you want to live it. The journey of personal development requires support from the people in your life. If that support is not there, your own aspirations will be infringed upon.
3. Freedom: Divorce liberates individuals from the constraints of a relationship that may be stifling their independence and autonomy.
Obligations and responsibilities that no longer align with the person that you are or have become during the time of the marriage may hold you back and keep you from exploring opportunities and new horizons. Toxic marriages and relationships often involve manipulation and rigidity imposed on one spouse by the other. Divorce can help you break free and allow you the autonomy you may be seeking.
4. Improved Parenting: In some cases, divorce can lead to more effective co-parenting arrangements, allowing children to grow up in a healthier and more supportive environment.
If a relationship has degenerated to such a point that there is no agreement or cooperation between two parents, it impacts the dynamic of the couple as parents as well. Sometimes, separation allows each parent to feel more fulfilled or stable, and that it facilitates more communication for healthier co-parenting.
5. Reducing Conflict: Separation can reduce the constant tension and conflict that often characterize unhappy marriages, leading to a more peaceful and harmonious life.
The act of removing oneself from the dynamic that is the source of unhappiness and conflict allows for more opportunity to find fulfillment, joy and harmony in the new life one can create for themself.
6. Pursuing Happiness: Divorce enables individuals to pursue happiness and fulfillment without feeling trapped in a relationship that brings them unhappiness.
If the other partner is not supportive in the pursuit of one’s dreams, interests and general outlook on life, it can hold you back and cause you to suppress those urges, which will add to your stress and general state of unhappiness.
7. Reclaiming Identity: Ending a marriage can provide the opportunity to rediscover and reclaim one’s sense of identity and purpose.
It’s not uncommon for one to lose their sense of self and their identity within a relationship, especially if it is a particularly unhealthy or toxic one. Divorce can provide one with the freedom to rediscover who they are and explore their personal dreams and desires without being held back or pushed down by their partner.
8. Better Role Models: For couples with children, divorce can demonstrate to them the importance of prioritizing happiness and self-respect in relationships.
As parents, children watch and see everything that we do, even if they don’t say anything about it. We are their models for behavior, boundaries and perspective. If one is in a toxic or unhappy marriage, it sends the message to children that it is acceptable or normal. Divorce can signal to children about how we want to be treated, what is okay within a relationship and what the appropriate standards for respect and love should be.
9. Financial Stability: Although divorce can bring financial challenges, staying in an unhappy marriage can also have significant financial consequences. Divorce may ultimately lead to a more stable financial future.
10. Improved Physical Health: Leaving an unhappy marriage can alleviate stress and improve overall physical health, leading to a better quality of life.
Stress takes a massive toll on the body, even in ways we may not realize. Living in a stressful relationship will have a long-term impact on your physical health. Divorce and by extension, a chance to step away from a stressful home life, can give you an opportunity to reclaim and improve your overall physical health.
11. Renewed Hope: Divorce opens the door to new possibilities and the chance to build a happier and more fulfilling future. It offers hope for a fresh start and the opportunity to create a life that aligns with one’s values and aspirations.
How Your Mindset Can Make Divorce More Traumatic (Psychosclerosis Explained)
The number one reason why people are really afraid of divorce is because they’ve heard horror stories from other people and they think that every divorce will turn out this way and that every one of their exes is going to become like that. Therefore, they start off with a very “different” mental attitude that is really not conducive to having a peaceful divorce.
When Ravit Rose read the term Psychosclerosis in Brian Tracy’s Book, Maximum Achievement, she was overjoyed to share this with you because it will solve a mystery for many of you:
“The second major obstacle to change is a hardening of attitude. Psychosclerosis is your natural tendency to fall in love with your own ideas and to vigorously defend them against anything new. The opposite of psychosclerosis is flexibility, the willingness to consider other points of views, other ideas with the very real possibility that you could be wrong. This mental flexibility is the mark of the superior person. The very act of considering all options in a particular situation, enables you to see much more of what is possible for you. Instead of using your intelligence to find fault with alternate approaches, you suspend judgment long enough to see if you can’t find something beneficial in a different idea or in a new way of doing things”.
This is exactly what is going to make you or break you in your divorce. If you are fixated on a particular way of doing things and you are going towards the 3 poisons of divorce: ego, power and money, you’re going to fall right into psychosclerosis. You are going to have a rigid hardening of attitudes. And you’re going to think with 100% certainty that you’re always going to be right, you’re always going to “win” and that you’re always going to get what you want.
The reality is that you’re not.
You’re not always going to be the winner. It is virtually impossible.
How to Rebuild Your Identity and Self-Worth After Divorce
It is often said that knowing yourself before getting to know others is one of the best ways to communicate, interact, and build lasting relationships. The ability to sit back, take a deeper look inward to understand your own nature can open you to numerous dimensions you are not aware exists within you. One of the bedrocks to staying sane after a divorce is building a conscious relationship with yourself. Pushpinder Singh,a wise spiritualist explains the difference between men and women in quite an interesting way:
Jumping from one relationship to another: If a person spends a lot of time with oneself instead of moving immediately into a new relationship, then one would have the opportunity to ponder on one’s own mistakes, and at the same time understand the spouse’s mindset from their viewpoint. Anyhow jumping from one relationship to another complicates things further because it is quite common for people to carry their old baggage from the past relationship into the new relationship and spoil the new relationship as well. Hence a person needs to give some time to oneself to contemplate and heal.
Missing Your Spouse After Separation: Mind, Gender, and Misconceptions
Is it normal to miss your spouse? It is usually said that a person starts to value one’s spouse majorly after separation. It is due to the nature of the Mind. The nature of the mind is such that it thinks about a person who is absent in one’s life, it cannot think about someone who is present right in front of oneself. It is due to this nature of the mind, that a person usually starts to understand the perspectives of the spouse after separation by being in their shoes. It is quite natural that if a person needs to understand something, then one needs to think about it. Hence when a person starts to overthink about the separated spouse, then naturally one would start to understand the spouse.
What’s the biggest difference between men and women? This aspect of creatively overthinking about the separated spouse is primarily relevant to men because they are more guided by intelligence while women, by their intuition. This is why it’s mainly the men who start to understand their spouses after separation. Women’s psychology is futuristic, which is why they move ahead in their lives quite easily when compared to men, men’s psychology is such that their mind is usually stuck in the past, hence the overthinking and understanding.
The danger of viewing the greener grass on the other side: In today’s era, majorly it’s the women who opt out of the marriage by comparing the lives of divorced wives with their own lives. They usually observe the external happiness of the divorced wives without paying sufficient attention and knowing their internal pain. It is due to this desire for happiness that they get divorced. Yes, the consequences of staying in an unhappy marriage are painful but one needs to understand that happiness and sadness are temporary states of mind, happiness can anytime convert into sadness and sadness can anytime convert into happiness.
Next Steps if You’re Thinking About Divorce
Divorce is never an easy choice to make and should never be undertaken lightly. There is much one has to take into account and consider when facing this decision:
- Is there a possibility for the relationship to be repaired?
- Have steps been taken to try to create a healthier environment?
- Are you in tune with your inner self and your own needs in order to gain clarity in making this decision?
This article has provided much food for thought. If you’re looking to go deeper and gain further insight into what would be the best choice for you, Irooze is here to guide and support you on this journey. Our Self Assessment will give you a clearer picture of the challenges you face and give us a better idea of exactly the kind of support we can offer in order to serve you best. Once you have completed the Self Assessment, you will also be able to book a free Strategy Call with a Divorce Coach. We want you to have as much insight into the decision you may be about to make as possible.
Don’t forget to take a look at our Divorce Directory where we have gathered a diverse range of professionals who specialize in supporting individuals who are either contemplating or experiencing divorce. Our network includes legal and financial advisors, real estate professionals, coaches and therapists to inform and guide you to making the best choices for you and your situation.