Divorce is an intense emotional journey that profoundly transforms a man’s life. It depletes him of his emotions and disrupts every aspect of his existence, leaving him feeling drained and overwhelmed. Terminating a marriage is an incredibly challenging process, often ranking as the second most stressful life event following the loss of a loved one (for both men and women).
While some men may initially experience a sense of relief, this sentiment swiftly gives way to stress, anxiety, and post-divorce depression. Despite common misconceptions that women bear the brunt of divorce, studies indicate that men are equally affected, with divorce significantly impacting their health, happiness, and overall well-being.
In fact, research from the Journal of Men’s Health shows that divorced men are over twice as likely to experience depression and have a 39% higher risk of suicide compared to married men.
In reality, divorce carries a more negative stigma for men, who often suffer in silence and may experience feelings of resentment and despair in its aftermath.
Keep reading to hear what Pushpinder Singh, Spiritualist has to say about men and divorce from his spiritual and psychological perspective.
How Divorce Impacts a Man’s Emotions and Sexual Well-Being
It is important to understand the emotions of a man who is going through divorce and how sex can help or make matters worse for a man.
When it comes to the emotions of a man going through a divorce, his emotions, like anger, enmity, revenge, and especially hatred, are primarily charged by sexual desires within him. When sex is not fulfilled by his life partner, and since his psychology is sexually-oriented, the unfulfilled sexual desires of a man manifest itself into all these negativities. Anyhow hatred naturally develops within a couple towards each other due to different psychological, metaphysical, and emotional reasons.
Everything within nature has been divided into Feminine and Masculine, including different emotions, traits and qualities within the Mind. Contentment is such a quality that is Masculine in nature and hence a man is naturally blessed with it, that is why it is very easy for a woman to satisfy her man, but it is very hard for a man to satisfy his woman, let it be sexually, financially, emotionally, etc. Though contentment is a positive quality, however in the case of separation, this quality acts like a curse for a man because his sexual life was contented and hence satisfied with the body of his wife.
Why Sexual Memories After Divorce Can Cause Long-Term Emotional Turmoil for Men
That is why for a very long duration after separation, sexual-related thoughts about his wife will keep on arising from within his mind when his body feels the urge to have sex. Hence, these thoughts will trouble him for years and thus keep on creating hatred within him towards his wife. Afterall, the urge for sex does not end within the man so easily.
Sex is the most powerful tool for a man to keep his mind relaxed, and in this situation when he is separated from his wife, his mind will not be able to relax. Instead, it will become chaotic. After all, sex is not just sex, in the due process of sex a huge chunk of memory exchange happens in between a couple, and these memories in the form of thoughts after separation will majorly be chaotic for both of them, especially the man. This is why life after divorce for men is not so peaceful for a very long duration.
How Separation From Children Affects Divorced Fathers
Pushpinder Singh, Spiritualist goes on to say: The most common pain that Men going through divorce face is the separation from their children. Yes, Mothers are nurturers and hence the primary guardians of their children, but that does not mean that Fathers are not guardians as well; mothers are nurturers and fathers are protectors and providers of their children. As much as the Children need mothers, they need fathers as well, especially the way daughters do. Men are already going through a lot of pain and suffering, including mental, financial, legal & emotional suffering.
Financially, many men face significant burdens post-divorce due to alimony, child support, and the division of marital assets, which can delay long-term financial goals like retirement or homeownership. The separation from their children adds to the list of their sufferings. For men who share custody or are navigating co-parenting, establishing clear communication and parenting boundaries with their ex-spouse can help ease emotional distress and maintain a strong father-child bond. To understand their agony, we need to understand the reason behind it from a psychological perspective.
How Separation from Children Triggers Depression in Divorced Fathers
For the Mind, everything and everyone is Information or Memory, and in this situation of the Father, where he has been separated from the children, his children for his mind are memories as well. Attention within a man’s mind generally flows towards the past tense, unlike women’s whose attention within their mind flows towards the future tense. This is one of the reasons why women mostly face anxiety-related issues because anxiety is connected with the future tense and why men mostly face depression related issues, because depression is connected with the past tense.
Hence in the situation of the father, where he has been separated from his children, the memories of his children would trouble him a lot because attention within him would again and again flow towards the past tense where the memories of his children reside.
Top 3 Struggles Men Face During and After Divorce
1. Why Men Must Acknowledge the Grief of Divorce
Women are commonly perceived as emotionally fragile and susceptible. They are often granted sufficient time to mourn and accept the end of a relationship, with recommendations to seek professional assistance from therapists to navigate their grief and bereavement.
Conversely, men are typically pressured to swiftly overcome their loss, urged to suppress their emotions and forge ahead in life. They are seldom afforded adequate time to process the dissolution of love and partnership, and societal norms discourage them from expressing their feelings openly.
Consequently, men frequently struggle to heal as their emotions, including anger, sadness, and resentment, remain bottled up. This suppression often manifests in anxiety and depression, adversely impacting their health, happiness, and overall well-being.
One of the most effective ways to process these emotions is to create a structured routine that includes physical activity, journaling, and joining a divorce support group specifically for men.
2. Men Feel Lonely After divorce and Lost Due to Small Support Network
Men typically establish a limited support system around themselves, and are often not as emotionally connected to their extended families and friends as women are.
Consequently, they heavily rely on their wives for emotional support, leaving them feeling adrift, isolated, and disconnected when faced with divorce. Expressing their feelings of sorrow and distress proves challenging for men, as they struggle to confide in their parents, siblings, and long-standing friends.
Conversely, women tend to possess stronger social bonds, seeking solace from friends and family during times of emotional need. They are more inclined to engage in support groups or pursue new interests as a means of coping and finding healing. These social interactions play a pivotal role in aiding women to navigate through their grief and move forward with their lives in a more positive manner.
While men may be less inclined to seek therapy, working with a licensed counselor or divorce coach can provide a safe space to unpack unresolved emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
3. Men Often Experience a Loss of Identity
Our families play a significant role in shaping our identity and are integral to our lives. However, in the event of a divorce, men often experience profound losses – from their spouse and children to the familial connections and happiness they once knew. The shifting dynamics within the family structure can be devastating, impacting men’s mental and physical health. Adjusting to the changes, such as transitioning to an empty nest or adapting to a new living situation, proves to be challenging and emotionally taxing for men.
Life After Divorce for Men: What to Expect and How to Cope
Why Divorced Men Struggle With New Relationships
Men often internalize blame for the failure of their marriage, leading them to seek solace in new relationships prematurely as a means of overcoming grief and loneliness. Despite finding love again, they carry the emotional baggage of their past relationship, hindering their ability to form deep emotional connections with their new partners.
Rebuilding self-confidence before re-entering the dating world is key; divorced men should focus on personal growth, redefine their values, and clarify what they want in future relationships.
Consequently, these relationships often stagnate and fail to provide emotional fulfillment. In contrast, divorced women prioritize self-healing and personal growth before entering new relationships. They refrain from rushing into new commitments and instead find contentment in the support of friends and family. This approach paves the way for successful and enduring future relationships.
Why Men’s Health Declines After Divorce: Secondary Concern for Men
There is a notable decline in men’s well-being post divorce. This decline is often attributed to unhealthy lifestyle choices and decreased physical activity. In efforts to combat loneliness, men frequently immerse themselves in work, while some turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as poor dietary habits, smoking, and excessive drinking to alleviate sadness.
Negative Health Effects of Divorce on Men: Behaviors Issues
- Exacerbated health issues, including an increased risk of cancer and heart diseases.
- Poor eating habits further aggravate health concerns, leading to drastic fluctuations in weight and overall health.
- Emotionally, divorced men grapple with a range of intense feelings, including anger, sadness, regret, loneliness, disappointment, denial, and guilt, all of which take a toll on their mental well-being.
- The emotional strain often manifests in stress, anxiety, depression, and insomnia, further compromising their overall health.
- Both physical and emotional health challenges weaken their immune systems, rendering them more susceptible to illnesses such as colds and flu.
Divorced men face a significantly higher mortality rate compared to their married counterparts, underscoring the profound impact of divorce on their health and longevity.
Key Takeaways: Life After Divorce for Men
Divorce affects men emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. But with the right support systems, coping strategies, and mindset, it’s possible to rebuild a fulfilling and balanced life.
The toll that divorce can take on men is a serious issue that should not be overlooked or brushed aside. As men are inclined by nature to suppress their emotions and try to handle things on their own, they tend to suffer in silence and don’t reach out for the support that they need during the difficult and emotional aftermath that can come after divorce.
To begin moving forward, it’s essential to create a structure that brings back a sense of stability. Divorce Loneliness: Creating a New Routine offers helpful strategies to rebuild your daily life with intention and purpose.
If you are a man who is going through a divorce and is struggling to cope, you don’t have to do it alone. Don’t let yourself sink into unhealthy habits or close yourself off and create additional suffering for yourself. Irooze.com has created a community of individuals who are going through similar experiences, where you have the option of participating anonymously if you so choose.
The Irooze.com Divorce Directory can point you in the right direction if you are in need of another level of support, be it from therapists, legal or financial advisors, or real estate agents. And if you’re not sure where to start, take the Self Assessment Quiz which will highlight your needs in a concise way. At the same time, once you take the quiz, you will also receive a free strategy call with our Divorce Coach to help you clarify the next steps for you to take according to your needs and priorities.
Co-Author: Pushpinder Singh, Spiritualist