Divorce is a massive disruptor to your lifestyle and takes apart all that you know and it doesn’t matter if you initiated the divorce or not. It comes with emotional, financial, and legal challenges. If you’re just beginning to consider divorce, you may feel overwhelmed by uncertainty. Understanding the most common divorce mistakes and regrets can help you make informed decisions and avoid costly emotional, legal, and financial setbacks during your divorce journey..
Many people who have gone through the process look back and wish they had done certain things differently. We interviewed several parents to get their opinions, hear their regrets and see what they would change,( if they could, at this point). Learning from their experiences can help you prepare in a way that protects your well-being and sets you up for a smoother transition.
Mistake #1: Recognize and Manage Divorce Emotions Early
Divorce is not just a legal process—it’s an emotional one. If you’re feeling fear, sadness, or even relief, know that all of these emotions are normal. Many individuals wish they had sought support earlier rather than bottling up their emotions.
Case Study: Lisa, 42, reflected on how she handled the early stages of her divorce: “I kept telling myself I had to be strong for my kids. I wish I had reached out to a Divorce Coach sooner. I didn’t realize how hard this would be on me. Since I asked for the divorce, I thought it would be a simple process, as I had already processed my feelings.
Little did I know this was furthest from the truth. So many decisions to make, changes daily to my kids temperaments, while trying to “figure all this out” was overwhelming, to say the least! Having constant support and guidance would have been ideal – it would have helped me process my emotions in a healthier way. I would have likely lost my cool less often and felt more empowered”
What you can do right now to prevent future damage:
Read this Divorce Checklist to make sure you cover all your bases and avoid common emotional and financial divorce mistakes. But you’re unsure whether therapy or coaching is right for you, learn how a Divorce Coach can often provide more effective support than traditional therapy during divorce.
Mistake #2: Prepare Your Finances Before Filing for Divorce
One of the biggest regrets among divorced individuals is not fully understanding their financial situation before filing or, relying on their lawyer to tell them “Everything they need to know about their financial picture”. Many are caught off guard by hidden debts, lack of credit history, or financial dependence on their spouse. Lawyers are NOT trained in finances- they may know some basics but, their knowledge only goes so far! You could be leaving a lot of money at the table”.
Case Study: Mike, 50, realized too late that he had no credit history in his name and how much this would impact his future: “I had always relied on our joint accounts. When I needed to rent an apartment, I had no credit score. I should have opened a credit card in my name years ago. After signing my divorce decree and going out into the real world, I realized how many mistakes I made. Not only were there debts I didn’t know about, I couldn’t qualify for a mortgage because of the way we had written certain clauses in the divorce agreement. You can imagine how livid I was!”
Actionable steps you can take:
- Gather and make copies of important financial documents: bank statements, tax returns, credit reports, and loan agreements. Speak with a divorce trained financial expert to make sure you do this RIGHT!
- Open a personal bank account and establish credit in your own name.
- Consult a financial expert to assess your post-divorce financial outlook with some budgeting and making sure your settlement offer helps you achieve these goals, rather than harming them
Mistake #3: Get Proper Legal Advice Before Divorce
Even if you’re unsure whether divorce is the right step, speaking with a family attorney can help you understand your rights and provide you with proper information. Many people regret not knowing legal nuances that could have impacted their settlements while many others regret listening to the random advice of a stranger on a Facebook group, as it hurt them significantly.
The saying “you get what you pay for” was all too true for this mom:
Case Study: Rachel, 38, didn’t realize she could request temporary spousal support along with the child support: “I struggled financially in the first year after separating. If I had known about temporary support, I wouldn’t have drained my savings so quickly and my kids would have had a better quality of life. My biggest mistake was trying to “save money” by posting a question in my local Facebook group! I lost significantly more money than I would have paid a lawyer to provide me the best advice.
What you can do right now:
- Schedule a consultation with a divorce attorney to understand your legal options.
- Learn about state-specific laws in the FAQs regarding basic laws, asset division, custody, and spousal support.
- If you and your spouse are on good terms, consider mediation to keep costs down. Better yet, take the self assessment to schedule your free call with one of our Divorce Specialists who will help you create a customized action plan!
Mistake #4: Protect Your Mental and Physical Health
Divorce can take a toll on your health. Many people neglect their own well-being during the process, only to realize later how much it affected them negatively. Even as the initiator of the divorce, it’s possible that you will experience some discomfort.
Case Study: James, 47, developed severe stress-related health issues: “I was so focused on the legal and financial aspects of the divorce that I ignored my health. I ended up with high blood pressure, insomnia and uncontrollable anxiety. I never imagined this divorce would take such a toll on me. It creeps up at you. You don’t pay attention to the details because you’re so busy just living and trying to fight fires every week.”
Get started with these basic steps:
- Maintain a routine that includes exercise, healthy eating, and sleep.
- Practice stress management techniques such as mindfulness or yoga.
- Don’t hesitate to take a break from divorce discussions when needed.
Mistake #5: Support Your Children Through the Divorce Process
If you have children, their well-being should be a top priority. Many parents regret not preparing their children more thoughtfully for the transition.
Case Study: Samantha, 35, regrets how she initially handled discussions with her kids: “I told them about the divorce on a whim when I was emotional. I should have planned a calm, age-appropriate conversation with my ex.”
What you should be doing is this:
- Talk to a coparenting expert about the best way to discuss divorce with your children and create a plan that minimizes emotional disruption.
- Read up best tips and advice from qualified professionals.
- In the meantime, keep routines as stable as possible to provide a sense of security while you reassure your children that both parents still love them and will be involved in their lives.
Mistake #6: Build a Divorce Support System
Going through a divorce alone can make the process feel even harder. Many people look back and wish they had built a better support network.
Case Study: Kevin, 45, regretted isolating himself during his divorce: “I thought I had to do it all on my own. I wish I had reached out to friends and family more. I am just so secretive, by nature. ”
Do’s and Don’ts list in Divorce:
- Identify trusted friends and family members, or support groups you can lean on for the everyday life challenges. However, keep your “divorce-specific ” conversations to your professional support team. You wouldn’t want to get bad or wrong advice, even if it came from someone who loves you and cares for you.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help, whether it’s emotional support or practical assistance. Consider getting a Divorce Coach who is neutral, unbiased and deeply experienced in navigating the divorce process from start to finish. Just know that a Divorce Coach KNOWS divorce really well!
Mistake #7: Start Planning for Life After Divorce Now
It’s easy to focus only on the immediate issues, but thinking about life beyond divorce can help you make smarter choices now.
Case Study: Emma, 39, wishes she had planned her post-divorce future earlier: “I spent so much energy on the divorce itself that I didn’t think about what I wanted for my future. It took me years to rebuild. I was beyond exhausted and ended up regretting some of the decisions I had made! ”
Daily Self-Care Tips for Divorce Recovery:
- Set personal goals for your post-divorce life, such as career changes or new hobbies.
- Create a realistic post-divorce vision board.
- Surround yourself with positive influences, such as a Divorce Coach, who encourage growth and healing.
Divorce is a complex and confusing endeavor filled with emotional, legal, and financial decisions that can have long-lasting consequences. By learning from the real-life regrets of others, you can avoid common pitfalls and make empowered choices. If you’re at the beginning stages or already in the thick of the process, don’t go it alone. Seek out the right support, ask the right questions, and take proactive steps toward building a healthier post-divorce life.
FAQ: Common Divorce Regrets & How to Avoid Them
Q1: What are the biggest mistakes people make at the start of divorce
A: Common early mistakes include ignoring emotional needs, failing to understand finances, not getting proper legal advice, and underestimating the impact on children. Proactively preparing in these areas can save time, money, and stress.
Q2: Should I hire a divorce attorney right away?
A: Yes, even if you’re unsure about filing, consulting a family lawyer early can help you understand your legal rights and avoid costly missteps related to property, support, and custody.
Q3: What’s the difference between a Divorce Coach and a therapist?
A: A Divorce Coach focuses on goal-setting, strategy, and practical support, while a therapist helps process emotional pain and trauma. Many find that working with both offers a more complete support system.
Q4: How can I protect my financial future during divorce?
A: Begin by understanding your current financial situation, establishing credit in your name, organizing documents, and consulting a divorce financial expert. Don’t rely solely on your attorney for financial planning.
Q5: How do I tell my kids about the divorce?
A: It’s best to plan the conversation with your co-parent and approach it calmly and age-appropriately. Consistency and reassurance from both parents are key to helping children feel secure.
Q6: Is it normal to feel overwhelmed even if I initiated the divorce?
A: Absolutely. Initiators often expect to feel empowered but may still face grief, anxiety, or uncertainty. Support from a Divorce Coach or therapist can help you navigate these unexpected emotional challenges.
Q7: What should I do to prepare for life after divorce?
A: Start setting personal goals, create a vision for your post-divorce life, and begin building a strong support network. Planning early helps you transition more confidently and avoid long-term regrets.