Divorcing a narcissist when you’re the breadwinner? You’re not just ending a marriage- you’re entering a war of control, manipulation, and emotional sabotage. And if you don’t have a plan from day one, it could cost you your wealth, your credibility, and your peace of mind. More and more high-achieving women are searching for answers to questions like how to win custody and protect assets when divorcing a high-conflict spouse, and how to safeguard business assets during a narcissistic divorce. These strategic steps will help you navigate the divorce process and ensure you come out on top.
This article is your battle plan.
Written by a former family lawyer turned strategic divorce coach for high-net-worth women, it’s packed with practical legal, emotional, and psychological tools to help you stop over-functioning and start protecting what’s yours. From decoding gaslighting tactics and digital sabotage to building a trauma-informed legal team and reclaiming your power- these are the 10 non-negotiable steps you need now.
If you’re a successful woman secretly drowning behind the scenes of a high-conflict divorce, this guide is for you. It’s not about playing dirty. It’s about playing smart.
It always starts the same way.
She walks into my office with perfect posture and a calm voice that cracks only once. She’s been holding it together for months- maybe years. On the outside, she’s the founder, CEO, and CFO of her own business. She’s running teams, making payroll, managing the household, and holding her kids through every storm.
But inside? She’s unraveling quietly.
Because while he plays the calm, cooperative ex in public, he’s been strategically eroding her power behind the scenes.
He’s sabotaging mediation, charming the professionals, gaslighting her in every email.
And she’s exhausted- trying to make it work, trying not to look like the “emotional one.”
Sound familiar?
This isn’t a normal divorce. And it’s not enough to stay strong.
You need to get smart.
As a strategist who works with high-achieving women navigating high-conflict divorces, I want to show you how to protect your assets, your energy, and your future from Day One.
This article builds on what I’ve already shared in, How He’s (Deliberately) Destroying Your Mediation.
Let’s play to win- without sacrificing your peace. You’re not in a regular divorce. You’re in a war you didn’t ask for- with someone who smiles in court and sabotages you behind closed doors.
In my last two articles, I talked about the men who deliberately destroy mediation (even when they pretend they’re cooperating)…. and the ones who aren’t chaotic- they’re calculated.
This piece? It’s the next layer. The practical, grounded, loving-but-no-nonsense guide to protecting your assets, your nervous system, and your future when your ex is a narcissist.
If you’re a high-achieving woman- someone who’s carried it all, made it look easy, and now finds herself up against a manipulative ex- you need more than advice. You need a strategy. And it starts here.
1. Understand: He’s Not Just Difficult- He’s Intentional
He’s Not Just Difficult- He’s Intentional
He’s not “confused.” He’s not “too emotional to think clearly.” He knows exactly what he’s doing- and his goal is to rattle you until you look unstable. The moment you realize this, everything changes.
You stop reacting. You start preparing.
Because narcissists don’t play fair. But you? You don’t need to play dirty. You just need to play smarter.
2. Lock Down Your Digital Life Before He Uses It Against You
Lock Down Your Digital Life Before He Uses It Against You
Change your passwords. Audit your shared devices.
Remove his access to your cloud, your finances, your inbox, your calendar.
He doesn’t need to hack you- he already knows how you operate.
Case Study: California Executive Hacked by Her Ex Husband
Danielle, a California-based software exec and mom of two, had no idea her ex still had access to their shared Google Drive. He used it to track her schedule, read her mediation notes, and screenshot private financial info.
What we did: We conducted a full digital audit, secured everything, and created a clean communication system he couldn’t touch.
Key Lesson from This Case: Make sure you regularly audit your digital security. Even if you think you’re safe, a simple oversight, like not changing a password, can give your ex access to your personal and professional information. Protect yourself by regularly updating passwords and using two-factor authentication on all critical accounts.
3. Document Everything- Without Getting Pulled Into the Drama
This is not the time to trust memory. It’s the time to trust your paper trail, Without Getting Pulled into the Drama
Start now:
- Screenshot texts
- Log missed exchanges
- Save receipts and email confirmations
- Write down what happened when- before you forget the details
To ensure everything is securely stored, use encrypted cloud storage or trusted apps like Evernote or OneDrive. Additionally, if you use a shared device, make sure to log out of accounts after every use to prevent unauthorized access. Consider utilizing a time-stamped diary to make sure you remember all the little details and interactions that could make a difference later on.
Case Study: Family Physician Wrongfully Accused of Withholding the Children
Jenna, a physician from Texas, was accused of “withholding the kids” after her ex missed three pickups in a row.
Our fix? We built a timeline, pulled phone records, and reframed the narrative. The judge saw the full picture- and so did the evaluator.
4. Don’t Expect Logic- Expect Games
You cannot out-reason a narcissist. You will never say the right thing that gets him to soften or see your side. His goal isn’t understanding. It’s domination. So stop trying to explain. Start creating distance- and a plan.
5. Get Grounded Before Every Interaction
He wants you off-balance. That’s the play. Therefore, before every court appearance, every handoff, every message, you pause. You breathe. You anchor into your nervous system. And then you respond.
Case Study: New York Architect Gets Blasted for His Nasty Emails
Michelle, a New York architect, was being baited through their co-parenting app. Every message made her want to scream.
I gave her a script strategy- templates for common attacks, a 2-hour response buffer, and daily nervous system check-ins. The change was immediate. He escalated. She didn’t. And the judge took note.
6. Protect Your Assets Like He’s Already Coming for Them, Because He Is
You might think he doesn’t care about money. That he’ll be “reasonable.” But narcissists don’t need the money. They need the win.
Start tracking joint accounts
Secure your income sources
Hire a forensic accountant if needed
Don’t move money without legal advice
Keep records of everything
Additionally, review any prenuptial agreements or postnuptial contracts to understand your rights. Consider working with a financial planner specializing in divorce to safeguard your retirement accounts, real estate, and other investments. Narcissistic exes often seek to manipulate financial settlements, so your first step should be to consult legal and financial professionals before making any decisions regarding joint accounts.
7. Hire a Legal Team That Understands Covert Abuse
This is non-negotiable. You need an attorney who knows what narcissistic abuse looks like in court- because it rarely screams. It smiles.
Ask them directly:
- Do you understand gas-lighting and parental alienation?
- Have you handled high-conflict or personality disorder cases?
- Can you support me in communicating through my trauma, not around it?
8. Use His Playbook Against Him, Without Becoming Him
Use His Playbook Against Him, Without Becoming Him
He will try to bait you. He will play nice, then strike. He will twist your words and provoke your pain. But when you stop reacting and start documenting?
When you stay calm, neutral, and consistent? You become the one with credibility. And narcissists hate that more than anything.
9. Shift Out of Survival Mode With This Process
Here’s the truth:
Most high-achieving women don’t fall apart in divorce. They survive by over-functioning.
But this isn’t about survival anymore. It’s about sovereignty.
That’s where my 3-part process begins:
- AWARENESS: We name the manipulation. We break the silence. We stop blaming ourselves.
- ALIGNMENT: We calm the body. Rebuild self-trust. And make space for intuition to lead.
- ACTION: We create a plan- legal, emotional, and energetic- that protects your future without losing yourself in the process.
This is what I walk my clients through every day. Because strategy without healing is hollow.
And healing without strategy is dangerous. You deserve both.
10. Don’t Try to Win His Game: Redefine Victory
To a narcissist, victory is control. To you? Victory is freedom. It’s peace in your home. It’s your kids knowing who you really are. It’s walking away with your head high, your assets protected, and your nervous system intact.
This article will greatly help you better understand what you may be up against: He’s Not Chaotic, He’s Calculated: The Rise of the Charming Abuser in High-Conflict Divorce
If You’re Done Playing Small in a Game Designed to Break You, book a private Strategy Session or apply for RISE– my high-touch coaching container for high-achieving women navigating narcissistic exes, emotional warfare, and soul-led reinvention.
This isn’t just about getting through the divorce. It’s about who you become on the other side of it.
Final Reminder:
You don’t have to fight dirty to protect what’s yours. You just have to stop doubting what you know. And start showing up like the woman who’s done surviving- and ready to lead. You’ve carried enough. Now it’s time to rise.
FAQs Section
Q: What should I do if my narcissistic ex tries to manipulate the custody arrangement?
A: Stay calm and document all instances of manipulation. Ensure you have a clear record of your involvement with your children, including pick-ups, drop-offs, and other interactions. Work closely with your attorney to make sure the court sees the full picture.
Q: How can I protect my business during divorce if my ex is a narcissist?
A: Hire a forensic accountant to help you secure business assets and separate personal and professional finances. It’s important to consult with legal experts who are familiar with business ownership in high-conflict divorces to ensure your livelihood is protected.
Q: Can I keep my family home in a narcissistic divorce?
A: If the home is joint property, the court will decide on its division. However, you can work with your lawyer to argue that it’s in the best interest of your children for you to retain the home. Document your financial contributions and emotional investment in the home to strengthen your case.
Disclaimer:
This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. As a certified strategist and former family attorney, I support women through high-conflict divorce with emotional and strategic guidance, but do not offer legal representation. Always consult your attorney regarding your legal rights.